had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
