you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
