I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
