if i can run in heels then i can drive
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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