We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
