It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
