so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
