Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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