Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
