apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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