So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
