Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
