There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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