When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The Olympian is in my bed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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