Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
