I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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