Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
