I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
