Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
