I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
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i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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