remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
