Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
