you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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