Got a toothbrush?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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