accomplished twins. life is a go
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
