pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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