Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
