Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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