I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
