i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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