I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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