I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
