did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wear drunk well.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
