Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
