hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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