The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
