A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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