So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
