Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
