Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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