I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
