I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
