Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
