Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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