I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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