I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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