But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
