Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
