I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
