it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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