Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
