Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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