I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
