Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
