Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
