It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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