I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
