Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How's work?
Spinning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
