ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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