I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
