I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
