Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
