You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize