I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
