You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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